Leaning in to the Discomfort

At a recent staff meeting, Assistant Director of Music and Organist Jerrick Cavagnaro shared yet another meaningful message, which I would like to share with the whole parish. - The Reverend Joan Kilian

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If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. 

I don’t know about you but I really dislike this phrase. It’s right up there with “everything happens for a reason.” To me, it implies that God has pre-determined everything in our lives and that we are without free will. It implies a certain level of passivity, and that if we just wait around, everything will seem easy and “right.” The “right” opportunity will just happen to come along, you’ll just happen to meet the right person in the right place at the right time, and all the answers will be crystal clear and wrapped up in a little, neat package. 

I think this is a load of baloney! Sometimes we are going to do the wrong thing, make the wrong choice, meet the wrong person, and you know what? That’s OK. 

We are so afraid of failure. Afraid to make the wrong choice because it will lead down a path of destruction or set us back. Afraid to talk to that stranger sitting over there because they might think we are an absolute weirdo. Afraid to have that difficult conversation because we aren’t quite sure what to say or how the other person is going to react. Afraid to speak up when we see a friend or a stranger being treated badly. 

So, what do we do? Usually, nothing. 

We wait and agonize and don’t act or make a choice because we think that’s better than doing the wrong thing. But recently, I came across a quote which I think is quite profound: “For goodness' sake, do something, even if it’s wrong!” 

I think it’s so easy to fall into the trap of not acting because it doesn’t feel easy in that moment, it doesn’t feel like it’s “meant to be.” But I think God transforms us as we walk down the uncertain road of action. I believe that God is not found in the black and white areas of our lives, but rather in the grey areas. Sometimes, we need to listen to that little voice within us telling us to do, even when we aren’t sure precisely what it is, what we need to do. 

I’m not saying that we should act rashly and make irrational, impulsive decisions. But I do think that we don’t necessarily need ALL the answers before we do. It’s no coincidence that in most other languages, the word for "to do" and "to make" is the same. In Spanish it’s hacer, in French it’s faire, in Italian fare, in German machen, in Chinese zuò. Sometimes, the path ahead is not clearly paved. It won’t feel easy and it won’t fall neatly into place. 

Sometimes, we have to make the path, we have to do, we have to act. And through that action, we encounter God, who is there to form us along the way. God is there to help us learn when we inevitably make the wrong choices and stumble. But it’s only through our stumbling that we learn. If we truly believe in a God who has granted us free will, then we need to trust that maybe, things aren’t necessarily “meant to be” and that maybe there is no such thing as destiny. Our all-knowing God may know exactly what’s going to happen but I’m not so sure the answers to our ideal lives will be laid out for us like a recipe. 

Let us trust that, no matter what, God is there to walk with us along the way. Therefore, let not our hearts be troubled. Let us trust in the Lord. Let us not be anxious and timid but rather let us lean into the discomfort, because it is through this discomfort that we will grow as children of God.

Let us pray: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.