Throughout the year, each member of the Christ Church staff begins our weekly staff meeting with a devotion. It is my honor to share this recent devotion written by Financial Assistant Sandy Dyer. May your knowing guide you in faith, strengthen you in hope, and fill you with boundless love for God and neighbor.

Have you ever been haunted by a Bible verse?

I thought a lot about using a different word. Maybe “pursued.” It did not seem right to use the word “haunted,” but a few months ago The Reverend Connor Gwin used it in reference to someone’s commentary on the Bible, so I thought, “oh I’m good.”

Many of us are familiar with the first half of 1 Corinthians 13 that explains what love is. It’s long been associated with marriage ceremonies: “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not easily angered…”

When I read it, I tend to associate it with how Jesus loves me. Mainly because my love fails all the time. The love mentioned here never fails. Jesus’ love is complete. As I’ve meditated on these verses over the years to encourage myself, I’ve tended to gloss over the second half of 1 Corinthians 13.

Here’s where the haunting comes in.

The second half of 1 Corinthians 13 has come to mind many times over the past nine months. (I’m a slow learner.) I know what it says. I remember the words, but I’ve only sat down and read them twice because when I do, they seem to overwhelm my spirit to the point where tears start streaming from my eyes. It’s weird – I’m not crying. It’s not emotional, but it’s doing something to my heart, mind, and soul.

When it started, I would resist it. But I’ve learned to let the waterworks flow and rest in them letting the Word do its work. Even thinking about taking the time to think about these verses overwhelms me. It’s healing and painful in a unique way that I cannot understand or explain.

So, if you’ve seen me with red eyes looking distraught the past few months, I’ve probably been thinking about these words (or trying not to think about them):

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears… For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

What is hitting hard is the idea that when completeness comes, I will be fully known. I will see fully and know fully.

Currently I see myself as in a mirror. It’s a reflection. Not a true representation of myself. It’s close, but not all there is.

I’m not sure if the completeness it speaks of is Jesus returning and then we can fully know all the mysteries of love, or if this is an invitation to be open to being fully known by God. I do know the process isn’t enjoyable. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful love, not warm fuzzy love.

Recently, I traveled to Michigan to be with and help my mom recover from spine surgery. She had an overgrowth of bone removed and two screws put in her spine to alleviate constant nerve pain. After the surgery, the doctor reported the surgery could not have gone better and told us something strange. “Your mom has had a spinal birthmark all her life.” Nobody knew. She had no idea; we had no idea. The doctor had no idea until he performed the surgery. But God knew. God knows us fully.

Healing can be scary and painful because sometimes it requires surgery. I’m not 100% sure what surgery the Holy Spirit is performing on me through 1 Corinthians 13, but He knows. 

As far as I can tell I’m working through a longing to fully see God and be seen by him, to fully know God and to be fully known by him. To know his full love for me and to fully love him right back. 

I think what draws people to Christ Church is that here they feel fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. Whether it’s our neighbors visiting during Room in the Inn, the kids in CCK, people making a purchase in the GoodNews Shop, attending one of the many services, listening to the amazing music, or even visiting while attending a funeral: people feel fully loved here.

I am grateful to be part of a church that is transforming hearts.